A Novel from Sister Abbey Dunford

Hello Everyone!! :)

(Forgive me for spelling errors because I'm typing like a crazy) 

It's still winter over here in NYC. I'm a leaping queen. Leaping across the gross puddles EVERYWHERE. I wish you could see how yucky the ground is here. Hahah literally the grossest ever. Slush everywhere!! Because it snowed and rained and iced and winded and snowed and rained and iced and winded. But I smiled and smiled and smiled :)

the view from a members apartment

This week was a really hard but good week. I learned lots of little things. I'm MEGA learning patience right now!! Isnt it funny how we have to be stretched and pulled and uncomfortable in order for us to be who Heavenly Father wants us to be? A quote I like says: "He gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.” Sometimes I'm just like WHY. Hahah but I know why. I do love the growth I see in myself. HURTS SO GOOD. :)

Some random thoughts-

I LOVE the ward that I am in. I absolutely love it. And PS my favorite blogger signed up to have us over for dinner ..... I was straight up grinning from ear to ear. This will be good hahahaha. 

It's really cold here. Really really really cold. But we are making it through the days somehow!! It's that darn wind I'm tellin you... Cold days = grumpy New Yorkers and grumpy New Yorkers = discouraged missionaries. Haha but the discouragement somehow turns into a laugh from me because it's sometimes so funny to think about what we are doing!! So the equation = laughter. Boom! Missionary work in cold New York is GOOD. 

Today one of my favorite members is taking us on a cookie adventure. She knows all the best places in Manhattan so this will be GOOD. 

We had a miracle moment of THREE investigators at church. Tenderest Mercy all week!!!

Our top investigator these days is Jay. He's pretty cool not kidding. We taught Jay at one of my other favorite member's apartment.. and it was so good. SUCH a good spirit there!!! Well I was laughing in this lesson something funny Jay said to me.. He looked me in the eyes and he was like "did you have special training to be a missionary? Do they train you every week for this?? Did you have to go to any sales classes? Because I studied psychology and you seem to ask all the right questions.." I was like uhhhhhh.... I went to the missionary training center ??? Hahahah. Good old MTC helpin me out these days. No but really I will be honest. You know who helps me out in every lesson? The SPIRIT. Everyone knows I WOULD NOT be able to do this without the spirit. I'm just trying to be that instrument in gods hands. 

STORY ... :) (this one is for my sistas!!) haha

We went tracting on Friday in the project buildings here in Manhattan and oh my Hannah I almost got beat up. Hahahah! So the story goes like this...My companion and I started at the top floor and decided we were going to make our way down!! So we had been knocking doors for like an hour and a half. So stinkin discouraging. I'm being so honest with you right now it was just hard. Nobody would talk to us. Out of like 50 doors there was seriously ONE that opened and let us talk. It was a 10 year old Muslim boy cool yeah? . Well anyways we decided okay let's do one more floor. So we go to the second to last door and knock. Nobody comes so we knock again. Well we were about to walk away and then the door opened! And inside there was (what "seemed" to be a cute nice 23ish yr old black girl.) her appearance seemed totally normal and cute. So I smiled big at her!! Well just as I started to introduce the two of us, she cut me off so rudely and said in this deep mean black girl voice "you are at the wrong door" I was about to reply back and she said it again even louder!!! At this point my companion and I looked at each other getting ready to walk away when she stepped out and yelled at us asking why we were still there... I said "I'm sorry" and tried to explain that we were leaving and she grabbed my arm and smacked it so HARD... You should have seen my face.... In my head I was like "duuuuuude chill we are leaving!!!" And then she started punching the wall and saying she would come after us.. At this point we are like running down the stairs hahaha and we could hear her screaming "two stupid white girls never come back here again!!!" We finally got in the elevator and headed OUTTA there. And there I was just saddened a bit trying to take TAYLOR swifts advice to "shake it off" haha. (Easier said than done tayla!) 

So that felt weird. Aaaaaand I was like this is lame. Here I am working hard to share happiness with others and I just about got beat up!! But I guess you could say I shook it off shortly after! Hahah. Life goes on. Whatever.. The church is still true!! haha

There was a question that Jay (our investigator) asked me on the phone one night and it REALLY got me thinkin. His question was about prayer! Here's how it came up.. I told Jay that in the near future, one of us, (Sister Brown or Sister Dunford) will probably be transferred. He was heart broken. He didn't realize that we get transferred every 6 weeks. He thought we just stay in the same area for our full 18 months! So with that being said, Jay told me he was going to PRAY that Sister Brown and I would stay here for our whole missions. I kinda laughed and told him that he could pray for that ALL he wants but that it's all up to God and it's "His will." Not ours. Well Jay got pretty upset. He is still learning so much about God's nature and about prayer! (Because he has literally ZERO religious background) ..we have told Jay time and time again that when he prays he can ask Heavenly Father for whatever he wants and that he can just pour out his heart to Him. (So you can understand how coming to understand "Gods will" could be difficult.) well Jay said "wait a second.. what's the point in me praying and asking for anything that I want.. if no matter what.. it's "Gods will" not mine?" ... "Uhhhhh. Good question Jay??" This is something that I have come to understand for myself through experience and I couldn't quite explain the answer briefly in a way that he would understand and be okay with "Gods will" not ours. You know? So I told Jay that the next time we meet that we can talk more about prayer and why it's so important that we pray even though it's "Gods will." He said yes I would love to discuss more about prayer next time. So we ended that phone call and I was DETERMINED to find an answer that would sit right for Jay. In all my personal studies I was on the search for an answer. And who knows if there will EVER be an answer that Jay will be okay with. But I needed to find one. So there the question sat in my mind.  WHY do we even pray with faith and ask for things.. if no matter how much faith we have.. it's still "Gods will" not ours..???

I will tell you what. After searching and finding things here and there.. there was one talk that REALLY stood out to me. And it's called "Fear not ,I am with thee" by Jean A Stevens. (And I have read this talk before and loved it.. but it now applies in a whole new way.) so Jean talks about how Heavenly Father TRULY hears our prayers. Heavenly Father HEARS us. He is there. Listening. And he DOES and WILL and can answer us. There was a paragraph that stuck out to me and here it is.. (I will use capital letters for emphasis :) ) 

"We can trust that He WILL help us, not necessarily in the way WE want ... but in the way that will BEST HELP US TO GROW. Submitting our will to His may be difficult, but it is essential to BECOMING LIKE HIM and finding the peace He offers us."

Okay I probably sound like I'm screaming at you when I use capital letters but I just want you to see the words that really click and make sense for me. :) haha. So my thought process was... We are HERE on earth for one reason. And that is.. to become like our Heavenly Father so we can live with him again one day. Yeah? So wouldn't it completely make sense that "God's will" is REALLY what WE want!!! We just are so limited in our perspective that "God's will" sounds almost kinda bossy and not the way we want things.. But in the BIG PICTURE "God's will" is for realz the BEST thing for us. ..... So now when I meet with Jay next I can tell him that WHATEVER God's will is... It is honestly and truthfully the best thing that could EVER happen for him. And the reason we PRAY to God in faith is because it changes US. It helps us become more like our Father in Heaven. Praying gives us hope. And peace and comfort. Think about when Christ did the will of our Father.... Christ prayed to God and pleaded even though HE KNEW our fathers will. He knew that his suffering needed to happen. Yet he still prayed. "And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Matthew 26:39

I can't say it better than Elder Robert D. Hales. He says: “It takes great faith and courage to pray to our Heavenly Father, ‘Not as I will, but as thou wilt.’ The faith to believe in the Lord and endure brings great strength. Some may say if we have enough faith, we can sometimes change the circumstances that are causing our trials and tribulations. Is our faith to change circumstances, or is it to endure them? Faithful prayers may be offered to change or moderate events in our life, but we must always remember that when concluding each prayer, there is an understanding: ‘Thy will be done.’ Faith in the Lord includes trust in the Lord”

Praying changes US. Praying helps us know God's will. I'm SO grateful that God has a will. Because he knows how and what needs to happen in order for me to become like him. I know it's not always easy to be okay with Gods will (like Sister Brown or I getting transferred) .. and sometimes we don't want to do Gods will. But I KNOW that God can see the big picture and that he is doing what will make us like him. And that is PERFECT. So if we can just submit our will for His.... We. will. one. day. be. perfect. And who doesn't want that? 

Blah blah blah I could keep going and going and sharing more things that I'm learning but I won't! Too hard to explain. So anyways. I leave that little testimony with you in the name of Jesus Christ amen! (Because I'm learning how important it is that we do ALL things in the name of Christ.) so that's why I closed in his name ;) 

Happy LOVE month ;)

I LOVE YOU ALL

Love,

Sister Abba Dunford :)