This does not feel real at all. I can still remember my very first email home thinking "Will I ever make it?" And here I am. 18 months later. 78 emails later. About 547 days later. Did I really just do that!?! I did.. And it feels so good. It's amazing the things we can accomplish with the Lords help.
As I think back on my mission, my feelings are DEEPLY touched. There are not words adequate to describe my appreciation for my mission. Its a sacred experience that will be between me and the Lord for the rest of my life. The things I have learned here are worth everything to me.
I wouldn't trade my mission for anything. I will apply this knowledge I've gained to EVERY aspect of my life. I will cherish this experience forever. I don't think writing my thoughts will ever be enough... It just won't do justice for how I truly feel.. but I will attempt to give you a glimpse!!
I can remember before my mission just craving a burning testimony of Jesus Christ. I had gospel knowledge but I lacked a firm, rock solid, gospel testimony. I could answer the simple gospel questions but I could not bear my own testimony with confidence. Heavenly Father knew I needed a mission. He knew it ALL along. New York didn't need me, I needed New York. I needed every single experience HERE. I needed specific challenges, investigators, strong members, amazing leaders, and companions. He knew EXACTLY who, what, when, where, and how to get my gospel knowledge from my head to my heart. I know we say over and over again as missionaries, "it's not about me." But I feel that my mission really was about me. (Not in the moment it wasn't, but in a broader perspective..) It was for me to find My Jesus. My mission was perfectly tailored for ME.
For the last 18 months I had ONE purpose. My purpose was to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. I had a SUCCESSFUL mission. I feel that I achieved my purpose. I did everything in my power to fulfill that purpose.
How grateful I am that I lost myself in this calling. That I submitted my will to His. I gave it my all!!! I wasn't perfect, I made mistakes, but I made SO much progress. And that's what God expected of me. I think of when Elder Dale G Renlund said: "God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying." I will forever keep on trying!
I feel so good and at peace with my service.
I had no idea the person that I would be and that God wanted me to become. God knew and knows my potential.
I hold this scripture dear to my heart as it came to life for me.
Matthew 16:25
"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."
I can hardly call my mission a sacrifice because I gained so much from it!!
I found true JOY on my mission. Joy that comes only in and through Jesus Christ. I found (as Nephi says in 2 Nephi 33:6,) "My Jesus." I found Him through losing myself in His work. I cannot pick one specific time or area on my mission that I found Him, but rather IT WAS my mission as a whole that helped me discover Him. He manifested Himself to me through so many personal experiences. I know I will be sharing those experiences with my loved ones throughout my life.
Sharing them with my future children, with friends and family. They have strengthened me.
In my first area, Darien CT, I was a brand new missionary. Brand new with no idea what I was doing. It was there that I truly learned that I wasn't alone and that I didn't have to do this on my own. I REALLY learned that I had The Holy Ghost with me! I learned that I was not the teacher, but the spirit was. I learned that little small and simple Sister Dunford was able to be an instrument in the Lords hands.
I was able to help others because He was helping me. I learned to have charity even when it was not easy to have charity. In this area I went into so many homes and saw so many gospel centered families!! I learned that I wanted nothing more than a family being raised in the gospel. I wanted an eternal marriage! The members in this area made a lasting impression on my life. My companions became some of my best friends. We laughed together, cried together, worked, and so much more. I fell in love with this area. I grew SO much there.
I was transferred to South Manhattan after 4 months of serving in Connecticut. This was a dream come true for me! I've loved New York City my whole life so this was a treat. Although I was excited, I felt very inadequate to teach the people there! But I knew that Heavenly Father had helped me so far and that He wouldnt let me fail. As long as I did my part, Heavenly Father did His. It was in Manhattan that I found a deep love for the scriptures. I learned to truly feast on them. The scriptures were little letters from my Father in Heaven tucked inside of a book just waiting for me to read them. I was able to apply them and make them come to life. I learned that there are so many interesting different humans, but that God loves ALL of them.
Every single one. I also learned how to be IN the world, but not OF it. NYC is a loud place, and I learned that I had to pay close attention to the spirit. I learned patience. I swallowed my pride so many times. I trained a new missionary for the first time and learned SO much. Again I became best friends with my companions. I truly grew so so much there. After serving in South Manhattan for 6 months I was transferred uptown to Harlem!
In Harlem I learned to see others as God sees them. I was able to see a tiny tiny glimpse of how God looks at my brothers and sisters. I learned to teach with boldness. I learned how to lead and to be responsible. As a solo sister training leader and a trainer I learned that I can do hard things. I made even more friendships there. I had so much love for my investigators. I saw so many miracles there. I learned that Gods children really are SO so diverse. I learned to not be judgmental but to use righteous judgement! I saw both good and bad examples. I learned that I want to work hard and provide a good life for my children. I learned that I don't like being forced to eat scary looking food. I learned so much. I loved Harlem! Oh!! And I can't forget, I mastered how to trap mice. #mousehunter
4 months later I was back in Connecticut!! Serving in the Stamford ward. Training for the third time! I learned patience. I learned diligence. I learned humility. I still felt weak at times, even after being out for 15 months! But I realized that there is no such thing as a perfect missionary. I will only make progress and be perfected. I remember thinking "I'm still not a perfect missionary and I'm still out of my comfort zone.. I thought I'd have it down by now!!" Those thoughts only motivated me more. The closer I came to Christ, the more weaknesses I saw in myself. Ether 12:27!! I learned that the worthiest missionaries were the ones who were repenting DAILY. I worked hard. I saw so much growth since the last time I had served there. I learned what kind of a member missionary I want to be. After serving there for
3 months I was then transferred for the last 3 weeks of my mission.
The last 3 weeks of my mission were so special to me. I had a special assignment to focus solely on the Christmas initiative. I was a traveling sister training leader. (Or in President Smith's words, a sister assistant.) I was able to give my all at Christmas time as a missionary. I ended my mission with a bang. I was able to come so close to President Smith's family. I learned that I had a purpose in their lives and they had a purpose in mine! I must continue to be a good example for those sweet sweet girls. We really had a strong connection and I'm so grateful for that family! I learned to endure to the end!! I learned that I still have so much to learn! That even though I finished my mission, I have more progress to be made in the future! So much more progress!! My mission is just a solid foundation for my life! I don't know what I would do without this experience!
Without it I would be a completely different person. I'm grateful that I can start fresh on January 1st 2016 as a strong disciple of Christ with a strong foundation. I feel ready and excited for this new chapter.
I'd like to close with my testimony of Jesus Christ.
As one of His set apart representatives, (for not very much longer...) I testify that I know that the Savior lives, that He is a glorified, resurrected personage of PERFECT love. I witness that He gave His life for me so that I will live again. I witness that He felt and overcame all of my pains, He suffered all of my trials and challenges and weaknesses, so that He can help me overcome them for myself. I don't completely comprehend how it works.. but I know that it does work.
It's obvious when I look at who I used to be, and who I am now. It strengthens me every day. He is my hope. He is my mediator. He is my Redeemer! I know that He lives. I know He has helped me have joy and happiness as I have lived worthy of his help. His gospel is real.
2 Corinthians 3:3 says: "
Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart."
The gospel of Jesus Christ is in the fleshy tables of my heart. His doctrine is stuck with me. I will forever be His disciple! Forever striving to be like Him. I leave my testimony with you in His name, Jesus Christ, amen!
Awh man I get tears in my eyes when I think about having to take off my missionary name tag. It's been too good. I love being Sister Dunford.
I love you allllll so much. I will see you TWO DAYS. What. My heart skipped a beat right there. Woah!
Love,
SISTER DUNFORD
XOXOXOXOX
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